"You cleared the table after yourself? "" Tomorrow is promised to frost. Put on your blue sweater with diamonds, it lies on the second shelf from the top ... "The telephone conversation takes place between St. Petersburg and Moscow. In one city - Asya otbyvshaya on a business trip. In another - Mitya, her husband. It is an adult and, if necessary, independent. But Asa all the time it seems that in her absence with him will certainly happen some mishap. And though she complains that she was tired of the role of his wife, who went to a man-child, "saves" him always exclusively on its own initiative. Stop playing really tedious role Asya can not. She - codependency ...
Women often complain that choose to fall in love and not in those of men. With their families, "plow" for two, vzvalivaya the job is essentially masculine, from which, as they can avoid their second half. Ask them why? Almost certainly you hear: because they are modern men. Do not want to work, are spoiled and lazy, are not accustomed to traditionally male cases in the household. They do not want to take responsibility, and so the responsibility falls on the shoulders of his wife, woman. That's why.
Meanwhile, women often do not notice that they create a situation in which people are totally dependent on them. And by the way, not only in his personal life and family, but also at work. A codependent person is different from healthy that keeps abreast of, say psychologists. However, not on his own.
"For me to absent himself from home for the day - it is always stressful because I constantly think about what makes Egor", - says Olga. Yegor problems with alcohol. It Olin wording to say out loud that her husband was an alcoholic, she can not. Alcoholics, in her opinion, the person shall be feeble, degraded, socially neglected. Yegor's different: a well-dressed, with a good sense of humor, work ... what is he an alcoholic? I asked how many drinks. Almost every day a bottle of vodka. Sometimes less, but sometimes more.
"If Egor is delayed, I do not find a place, - says Olga. How many times he lost cell phones, hats, and gloves on the way home, I do not remember. Of course, this has always happened in those moments when Egor after work went somewhere for a drink. Alone or with friends, it does not matter ... the summer in the street on his dog attacked and bitten through the arm - Yegor was in a strong drunk. On another occasion he forgot in the institution portfolio with all their documents, the third - late on the subway and decided to spend the night where he was - at the tabloid bench. Of course, I went to the police ... "
Sighing, Olga says Yegor secretly checks checks his things and drawers to see if he was buying alcohol or vodka if he hides from her . Such controlling behaviors - a sure sign of codependency, the signal stress . If you are in control, then you can not get what you want, in any other way . Or you are afraid of losing what you have . The need to control the connected feelings such as fear, trust, love, honesty, hurt, pride, longing for something, anger . If this happens to you, then you can not live their own lives, to decide what to do, above all, for their own good . Most sufferers of codependency are not clear about their psychological needs . As well as about other people's . Usually victims of codependency as a child the boundaries of personal space violated so often that as adults, they are completely forgotten how to understand what it is . So allow yourself to control the life of another .
Very often, people aspiring to constant monitoring of the situation of the children grow up, the observed dependence of someone from the family: for example, the daughters of alcoholic fathers subsequently formed the total quality control. Or those who frequently scolded and punished in childhood. To prove its viability, necessity and "goodness", they choose relationships that give them the opportunity to exploit. The relationship in which the other half should always save - alcoholism, insecurity of life, unemployment and the list goes on.
That is certainly unfortunate.
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